American Pie Quotes

Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite movies and shows

American Pie Quotes

Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some American Pie quotes items I have now:


 

Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of[hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.[pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

 

Steve Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and f***ing *use* them!

 



Michelle: Oh! And this one time... at band camp... I stuck a flute in my pussy!
Jim: [taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out] Excuse me?
Michelle: What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!

 

 

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.

Jim Levinstein: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]

 

 

Jim Levinstein: God, let this be it.

 

 

Michelle Flaherty: whats my name say my name bitch

Jim Levinstein: michelle michelle


 

Jim Levinstein: She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

 

Jim Levenstein: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

 

 

Steve Stiffler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them!

Steve Stiffler: I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?

 

 

Steve Stifler: She called me and asked for my number.


Jim's Mom: ill have to admit i did a fair bit of masturbating when i was a little younger i used to call it strokeing the salami yeah you know pounding the old pud i never did it with baked goods though but you uncle mort he pets the one eyed snake 5 -6 times a day

Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates]

Jim's Dad: ...masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause]

Jim's Dad: I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

 

Jim Levinstein: guys uh what exactly does thrid base feel like

Kevin: you wanna take this one

 

 

Steve Stifler: i say why dont you guys locate your dicks remove the shrink rap and fucking use them

Steve Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!

 

Steve Stifler: she called me and asked for my number


Finch: god bless the internet


Oz: Friends call me Nova as in Casanova.

 

 

Jim Levinstein: I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed.

 

Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.

 



Jim Levinstein: Did you see the Little Mermaid on TV the other night?

Oz: No.

Jim Levinstein: That Ariel, man, she's so hot!

 

 

Sherman: I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

 

 

Steve Stifler: I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?

 

 

Michelle Flaherty: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!

Jim Levinstein: Michelle! Michelle.

 

Jim Levinstein: She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

 

Oz: Suck me, beautiful.

 

 

Jim's Dad: Looks like a tropical jungle plant

 



Vicky: (moaning) I'm coming! I'm coming!

 

 

 

Jim's Dad: we'll just tell your mother we ate it all.


 

Chuck Sherman: I am The Sherminator. I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.

 

 

Coach Marshall: I don't want any of you boys thinking that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you score!

 

 

 

Finch: God bless the Internet.

 

 

Garage Band Member: Go trig boy, it's your birthday.

 

 

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: My friends call me Nova...as in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

 

 

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: [On being sensitive] All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno man, sounds like a lot of work!

 

 

 

Finch: You have anything to drink?
Stifler's Mom: I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch: That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor...the good stuff.
Stifler's Mom: I've got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

 

 

Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

 

 

 

Jim's Dad: [talking about masturbation] It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don't you, son?
Jim: Oh yeah, Dad. I want a partner.
Jim's Dad: Good. Good. That's very good.

 


 

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]

 

 

Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: Guys! I'm serious!

 

 

Kevin: [after Stifler drinks the tainted beer] Hey Stifler, how's the man chowder? ('pale ale' in TV edit)
Steve Stifler: **** you!

 

 

Kevin: [watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] Oh he's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

 

 

Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.


 

Oz: you ask them questions and listen to what they have to say and shit

Steve Stifler: i dunno man that sounds like a lot of work

 

 

Jim Levinstein: you realize were all going to college as virgins right they probably have special dorms for people like us


Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?



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American Pie Quotes

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