| Funny Kid Jokes 2024 |
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My kids love to laugh. They laugh the most at these funny kid jokes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting squawking parrot.
Interrupting squawking parr-
SQUAWKKKKKKKKKKKK!
Would you like a duck egg for tea?
Only if you quack it for me!
I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because: 7 8 9
What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet
Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
A: He felt funny!
Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish!
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school.
Where do pencils go for vacation?
Pencil-vania
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's freezing out here.
A prisoner, after many years, is finally released.
He runs around yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!"
A little kid walks up to him and says, "So what, I'm 4."
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Which flower talks the most?
Tulips, of course, 'cause they have two lips!
A man arrived on Friday in a small town. He stayed for two days and left on Friday.How is this possible?
His horse's name is Friday!
What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
What did the mushroom say to the fungus?
You're a fun guy [fungi].
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
A: the pupil
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?"
A: "With a bee bee gun."
Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it!
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them
Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
A: Man, that hit the "spot."
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well
Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What bow can't be tied?
A: A rainbow!
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring time.
Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o.
Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed
Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.
Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch
Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: What three candies can you find in every school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Cause they arrrrr.
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!
Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
A: The road!
Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists were brainstorming!
Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A: Hi Cliff!
Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
A: Show me the honey!
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I'm coming down with something!
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A: To draw the curtains!
Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One! After that its not empty!
Q: What kind of button won't unbutton?
A: A bellybutton!
Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog.
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine!
Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A: Odor in the court.
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A: Dam!
Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A: They don't have the guts.
Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
A: SUPPLIES!
Q: Why was the student's report card wet?
A: It was below C level!
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Tentacles.
Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?
A: Don't look, I'm changing.
Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends!
Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.
Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A: So he could have sweet dreams.
Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella.
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: Because it held up a pair of pants!
Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
A: Flood lights!
Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in High School!
Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case they get a hole in one!
Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A: Because he wanted to work over-time!
Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you're eating a watermelon!
Q: How did the farmer mend his pants?
A: With cabbage patches!
Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
A: He couldn't concentrate!
Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A: Patty!
Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg!
Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He felt crummy!
Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils!
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A: Bare-foot.
Q: What can you serve but never eat?
A: A volleyball.
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneakers.
Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A: So he could tie the score.
Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A: They both depend on the batter.
Q: What did the alien say to the garden?
A: Take me to your weeder.
Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.
Q: How do baseball players stay cool?
A: They sit next to their fans.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.
Q: What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator.
Q: What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar!
Q: What exam do young witches have to pass?
A: A spell-ing test!
Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A: A cloud!
Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A: Because you dribble on the floor!
Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!
Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A: To the Baa Baa shop!
Q: What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
A: Jellyfish!
Q: What do cats eat for breakfast?
A: Mice Crispies!
Q: Why can't a leopard hide?
A: Because he's always spotted!
Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?
A: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A: A sour puss!
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Its easier than walking!
Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: Why does a hummingbird hum?
A: It doesn't know the words!
Q: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Because they dropped out of school!
Q: What goes up and down but doesn't move?
A: The temperature!
Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A: Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Q: What has one horn and gives milk
A: A milk truck.
Q: Where do bulls get their messages?
A: On a bull-etin board.
Q: What do bulls do when they go shopping?
A: They CHARGE!
Q: What runs but can't walk?
A: The faucet!
Q: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A: A water bed!
Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
A: Firecrackers!
Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut.
Q: What's taken before you get it?
A: Your picture.
Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Q: Why did the child study in the airplane?
A: He wanted a higher education!
Q: What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a chimney up?
A: An umbrella.
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!
Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!
Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
A: She had a make-up exam!
Q: Name a city where no one goes?
A: Electricity
Q: Why can you never trust atoms?
A: They make up everything!
Q: Where does bad light go?
A: To prism!
lol = Drowning Man.
*lol* = Drowning Cheerleader.
"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted."
I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve.
I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.
Today I gave my dead batteries away....Free of charge.
If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.
Being honest may not get you a lot of FRIENDS but it'll always get you the RIGHT ONES.
I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I'm so bright my mother calls me son.
Pencil sharpeners have a tough life.... they live off tips.
My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
What fits your schedule better......Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver
If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
A butcher goes on a first date and says 'It was nice meating you'
2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents? Man that's Ludacris
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.
It's been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!
fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.
Bathroom
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet
Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: Where's the p?
Boy: "Half way down my leg."
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.
Q: How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
A: Build a sty-scraper!
Q: What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
A: An udder failure.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A: They are always stuffed!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll
Q: Why did the snake cross the road?
A: To get to the other ssssssside!
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
Q: What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
A: A milk dud!
Q: When is a well dressed lion like a weed?
A: When he's a dandelion (dandy lion)
Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: Pleased to eat you.
Q: Why is a fish easy to weigh?
A: Because it has its own scales!
Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll!
Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A: Because there was a KFC on the other side!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show everyone he wasn't chicken!
Q: Why did the lion spit out the clown?
A: Because he tasted funny!
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken!
Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
A: A pie-thon!
Q: What is 'out of bounds'?
A: An exhausted kangaroo!
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip?
A: Bison!
Q: Why didn't the boy believe the tiger?
A: He thought it was a lion!
Q: How do bees get to school?
A: By school buzz!
Q: What do you call a bear with no ears?
A: B!
Q: What animal has more lives than a cat?
A: Frogs, they croak every night!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Ashe----Ashe who?
A: Bless you!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's there?----Nobel----Nobel who?
A: No bell, that's why I knocked!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's there?----Leaf----Leaf who?
A: Leaf me alone!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----lettuce----lettuce who?
A: Lettuce in and you'll find out!
Q: Knock-knock----Who's there?----Aaron----Aaron who?
A: Why Aaron you opening the door?
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Tank----Tank Who?
A: You're welcome!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's there?----Hawaii----Hawaii who?
A: I'm fine, Hawaii you?
Q: Knock, knock----Who's there?----Orange----Orange who?
A: Orange you even going to open the door!
Q: Knock-knock----Who's there?----Gray Z----Gray Z who?
A: Gray Z mixed up kid.
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Who----Who Who?
A: Is there an owl in there?
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Anita----Anita who?
A: Anita to borrow a pencil.
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Woo----Woo who?
A: Don't get so excited, it's just a joke.
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Figs----Figs who?
A: Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
Q: Knock-knock----Who's there?----Alice----Alice who?
A: Alice fair in love and war.
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Annie----Annie Who?
A: Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Q: Knock-knock----Who's there?----Yukon----Yukon who?
A: Yukon say that again!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Boo----Boo Who?
A: Well you don't have to cry about it.
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Theodore----Theodore who?
A: Theodore is stuck and it won't open!
Q: Knock-knock----Who's there?----Cher----Cher who?
A: Cher would be nice if you opened the door!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Amos----Amos who?
A: A mosquito bit me!
Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----Police----Police Who?
A: Police let us in, it's cold out here!
Q: Knock-knock----Who's there?----Amarillo----Amarillo who?
A: Amarillo nice guy.
Q: How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
A: It waves.
Q: What kind of hair do oceans have?
A: Wavy!
Q: What did Mars say to Saturn?
A: Give me a ring sometime.
Q: What did the big flower say to the small flower?
A: What's up Bud.
Q: Where does seaweed go to look for a job?
A: The kelp wanted section.
Q: When is the moon the heaviest?
A: When it's full!
Q: What type of songs do the planets sing?
A: Nep-tunes!
Q: What kind of flower grows on your face?
A: Tulips!
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!
Q: What do you call an attractive volcano?
A: Lava-ble!
Q: What did the big flower say to the little flower?
A: Hey, bud!
Q: What goes up and down but does not move?
A: Stairs
Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go?
A: On a diet
Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed.
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I'll meet you at the corner.
Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?
A: Write on!
Q: What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?
A: Lonely
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: Why do bicycles fall over?
A: Because they are two-tired!
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights!
Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
A: Someday my prints will come!
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
Q: What part of the car is the laziest?
A: The wheels, because they are always tired!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: What is blue and goes ding dong?
A: An Avon lady at the North Pole!
Q: We're you long in the hospital?
A: No, I was the same size I am now!
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
A: Keep your shirt on!
Q: What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
A: Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I'm coming down with something!
Q: Why was the belt arrested?
A: Because it held up some pants!
Q: Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
A: They had just finished a March of 31 days.
Q: Which hand is it better to write with?
A: Neither, it's best to write with a pen!
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What makes the calendar seem so popular?
A: Because it has a lot of dates!
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
A: He wanted to find Pluto!
Q: What is green and has yellow wheels?
A: Grass…..I lied about the wheels!
Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Her nose!
Q: Did you hear about the robbery last night?
A: Two clothes pins held up a pair of pants!
Q: Why do you go to bed every night?
A: Because the bed won't come to you!
Q: Why did Billy go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: Why do eskimos do their laundry in Tide?
A: Because it's too cold out-tide!
Q: How do you cure a headache?
A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A: A minnie van!
Q: Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
A: Because they take too long to change!
Q: Why did the man run around his bed?
A: To catch up on his sleep!
Q: Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
A: He wanted to make a clean get away!
Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
A: A catastrophe!
Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?
A: Chairman Miaow!
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
A: A cat-a-logue!
Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
A: An octopuss!
Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
Q: When the cat's away.....?
A: The house smells better!
Q: Why was the cat so small?
A: Because it only ate condensed milk!
Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off!
Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible!
What sister?
Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!
Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m invisible
Who said that?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Althea!
Althea who?
Althea later, alligator!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alva!
Alva who?
Alva heart!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alvin!
Alvin who!
Alvin a great time, how about you?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Amahl!
Amahl who?
Amahl shook up!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Amana!
Amana who?
Amana bad mood!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cash!
Cash who?
No thanks, but I'd like some peanuts!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked that's why I am knocking!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in, it's freezing out here?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Armageddon!
Armageddon who?
Armageddon out of here!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Howl!
Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alice!
Alice who?
I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alison!
Alison who?
Alison it's dark outside!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allan!
Allan who!
Allan-d of Manhattan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allegra!
Allegra who?
Allegra is broken!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alli!
Alli who?
Alligator, that's who!
A math joke
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!
A history joke
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!
A history joke
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!
A math joke
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!
What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
The juve-niles!
What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy!
What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
Who was the world's greatest thief?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
Mr Smith: I hate to tell you, but your wife just fell down the wishing well.
Mr Brown: It works!
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
What is "out of bounds"?
An exhausted kangaroo!
Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s"!
What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!
Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A: Odor in the court!
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!